The end meal was baked red pepper stuffed with quinoa and a "spiceless" risotto of brown rice, mushrooms and red onion. A side of plain baked 'french fry style' organic yukons and sweet potatoes.
8.2.12
7.2.12
Cleanse Week 2
Sam email to Martha
These past days I have been predominantly irritable, short tempered, impatient and hungry hungry hungry. On a deep physical level I can feel the slow gradual shedding of deeply rooted attachments to food, emotions, perceptions and old attitudes. I've experienced light headedness, shaky body, gaping holes in my core that want to be fed with something that feels like substance. I have seen certain things in the moment much more clearly than before. I struggle each day with the ability to make my food have any taste. Everything seems bland and boring and unsatisfying, even though I'm creating some interesting dishes, they just don't have any taste. Perhaps i've had more salt than I'm remotely aware of over this past year??...
I can feel deep in my body that things are clearing out, that crap is shedding from places I didn't know held things. I have been incredibly tired every day so far. Due to the luxury of working from home on my own schedule outside of Hudson's scheduled needs in the morning and after school, I have had to take a few deep naps!! I woke up today sweating with fear from one of me walking through my childhood home, sitting in the dark, noticing the door was slightly open, a storm raging outside and as I slowly turned my head I felt the presence of a looming dark figure over me. I was genuinely bloody terrified.
I hope the coming days will bring some regular eating habits and an ability to follow a simple schedule...these past several days a recurring surging anger arises in me about my situation parenting the lad. I am so furious and have buried feelings about what the boy has been put through. I've done work to deal with it but this cleanse is definitely bringing stuff up that hasn't been addressed. I wanted to vent out how this detox experience is related to rising emotions of anger, connections to food and how the mind can get all caught up in thoughts that allow one to not engage in the moment of chopping different vegetables from a desperate woman trying to make a tasty meal!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!
Much love to you and send word on how you're doing!
Over the course of the following days, I get very ill with nausea, an intense never ending headache and all energy drained. This informs me of the toxicity levels of stress and a particularly unusually large intake of alcohol over a long hard year. The degree of pressure my husband and I have been under due to circumstances in our personal life has taken its toll on my body and spirit. I had a dedicated practice of yoga and meditation that was astoundingly helpful in the managing of raging chaos outside of our control. The change in food brought out some deep seated things I didn't realize I was still holding tightly onto. Martha proved once again to be a supportive rock while I worked through these genuinely surprising emotions that always seemed to come up when I was chopping steaming or baking something...the kitchen was my sanctuary to let them out. I reach a point where the physical discomfort is intolerable. Marie gives me a prescription of a shot of olive oil mixed with a bit of lemon and a hydrotherapy based routine to follow, alternating hot and cold towels over the liver. This causes the liver to expand and contract, wringing it out essentially. I do this for 30 minutes, take a long nap, then do the hot cold towels again later in the day and it finally eases off.
This is where the most unpleasant part comes out of the process of cleansing. The beauty of discussing parasites. I won't get into any gory detail here but we both were given tinctures that would, if taken religiously throughout the day over at least the course of the three weeks (and beyond), would produce results in revealing that they existed. This definitely became apparent for me but not until the end of the cleanse. The parasites are stubborn invaders that take on a life of their own in the body. Martha and I both willingly embraced this information from Marie and through the experience, accepted their reality. Hence the mention of 'friends' throughout this journey of discovering all things we don't like about health but had to face up to.
Martha email to Sam
I really have been feeling pretty good other than this growing pain in my hips and lower back, which I just realized could be my kidneys and liver detoxing. I am so glad I'm not having nausea. Detox detox detox. I will try to breathe and take care of myself and keep my big mouth shut. I'm curious to hear what Marie said about your achy body and tummy. I hope you are sleeping. I just ate a big plate of lentils and beautiful roasted vegetables and I (or my little friends) are starving!!
Sam to Martha
Thanks sweetie I'm just letting my liver release itself...! Headache and nausea remains, deep aching in hips and lower back, much insight follows. I'm going in for body work to help move things through me :)
Martha text to Sam
I have been so much better the last few days! It is really hard but I am getting through it. Its so amazing how I feel differently about everything already and its only food!! Pain is radiating in my lower back and down my legs.
Days go by with both of us in relative achy pain. It proves to be difficult for me to manage things, especially around cooking separate meals for the hungry teenager next to my clean simple quinoa...We exchange recipes and plow through it motivating eachother all the way.
Sam email to Martha
This weekend was a rollercoaster of deep tissue pain, emotional outbursts, mental clarity, insight and feeling like I was cleaner and had more space in my body. Buried emotions poured out of me through tears both Saturday and today, but I was able to let it out more easily because Hud was at his mother's for the weekend. I don't want him experiencing any more negativity than what he's been subjected to ! Saturday night pulsing throbbing pain coursed through my hips and legs and I was back doing the towel action at 4am on the lower back. I was so uncomfortable I slept in Hud's bed to not wake up Mitch. Overall, I felt a shaking up in the core. I've reflected on these hard times supporting Mitch who struggled coping with such a horrible divorce and the negative emotional damage to his children. We've worked hard not to be taken down and so much effort put into staying positive and helping Hudson as much as we can now that he's with us. The contents of what has left my body, relative to what I have put in it is absolutely astounding! I am so relieved to release it all, let it go and see the coming days as worth all the discomfort and bland flavours! Yours and Mitch's support has been so vital, feeling safe to vent out so much. Mitch is now making stuffed red peppers with quinoa (pictures to come) and he wants to deliver some to you :)
Martha email to Sam
The emotional outbursts during this cleanse are such a crazy experience. Can you imagine why? Its just food but it is certainly rocking us to the core.
Sam to Martha
Thanks sweetie I'm just letting my liver release itself...! Headache and nausea remains, deep aching in hips and lower back, much insight follows. I'm going in for body work to help move things through me :)
Martha text to Sam
I have been so much better the last few days! It is really hard but I am getting through it. Its so amazing how I feel differently about everything already and its only food!! Pain is radiating in my lower back and down my legs.
Days go by with both of us in relative achy pain. It proves to be difficult for me to manage things, especially around cooking separate meals for the hungry teenager next to my clean simple quinoa...We exchange recipes and plow through it motivating eachother all the way.
Sam email to Martha
This weekend was a rollercoaster of deep tissue pain, emotional outbursts, mental clarity, insight and feeling like I was cleaner and had more space in my body. Buried emotions poured out of me through tears both Saturday and today, but I was able to let it out more easily because Hud was at his mother's for the weekend. I don't want him experiencing any more negativity than what he's been subjected to ! Saturday night pulsing throbbing pain coursed through my hips and legs and I was back doing the towel action at 4am on the lower back. I was so uncomfortable I slept in Hud's bed to not wake up Mitch. Overall, I felt a shaking up in the core. I've reflected on these hard times supporting Mitch who struggled coping with such a horrible divorce and the negative emotional damage to his children. We've worked hard not to be taken down and so much effort put into staying positive and helping Hudson as much as we can now that he's with us. The contents of what has left my body, relative to what I have put in it is absolutely astounding! I am so relieved to release it all, let it go and see the coming days as worth all the discomfort and bland flavours! Yours and Mitch's support has been so vital, feeling safe to vent out so much. Mitch is now making stuffed red peppers with quinoa (pictures to come) and he wants to deliver some to you :)
Martha email to Sam
The emotional outbursts during this cleanse are such a crazy experience. Can you imagine why? Its just food but it is certainly rocking us to the core.
9.1.12
First 5 Days, beginnings with pure and simple vegetable, grain, water
Cleansing Detox First Five Days
The first three days of the cleanse are a transitional phase. We focus on what we have to eat, essentially simple food in as natural a state as possible, and learn to abide by the schedule. We're allowed a few extras, maple syrup on the oats (no milk!) and a half a cup of black coffee. By day four no excuses and it's raw, steamed or baked food with absolutely no adding of anything: no salt, no lemon, no no nothing. For myself, the psychological impact weighs heavily, a lovely truth that repeats itself throughout the cleanse and reveals to me how my mind communicates to my body, how thought patterns dominate. I deeply appreciate my meditation practice going through this.
Martha and I shop around for the ideal rice cooker (a staple now in my household). After a browse in Kensington Market and various shops we make our way over to T and T, a favourite Asian grocery store in east end Toronto and pick up two cookers for $50 each that come with a steamer insert.
We're enthusiastic and encouraging towards each other. We abide by the rules for the most part, but anything that happens to cause stress, proves to be challenging to handle well. By day four, we're already showing signs of physical and emotional responses and turning to each other for support. Perhaps humorously dramatic, but shutting out the sugars, starches, caffeine and dairy for Martha and myself, was difficult, proving it all the more significant to follow through on.
Day 1 - 3
(s-e)
Those steel cut oats cooked in the rice cooker were de-licious! I splashed maple syrup on them - grounding, filling and soooo comforting oh my goodness :):):)
Martha and I shop around for the ideal rice cooker (a staple now in my household). After a browse in Kensington Market and various shops we make our way over to T and T, a favourite Asian grocery store in east end Toronto and pick up two cookers for $50 each that come with a steamer insert.
We're enthusiastic and encouraging towards each other. We abide by the rules for the most part, but anything that happens to cause stress, proves to be challenging to handle well. By day four, we're already showing signs of physical and emotional responses and turning to each other for support. Perhaps humorously dramatic, but shutting out the sugars, starches, caffeine and dairy for Martha and myself, was difficult, proving it all the more significant to follow through on.
Day 1 - 3
(s-e)
Those steel cut oats cooked in the rice cooker were de-licious! I splashed maple syrup on them - grounding, filling and soooo comforting oh my goodness :):):)
(m-e)
What's on the menu today?
(s-e)
Hmmmmm, lunch....making in the rice cooker...
(m-e)
I'm going to try that too. Last nights quinoa and lentils were pretty and had different textures
but it all turned into a very bland 'mashed potatoes'..I'm trying roasted root vegetables in the slow cooker. Did you heat everything separately first for that swiss chard wrap?
(s-e)
Oh yes, broiled the veg, steamed all else in batches with a bamboo steamer then chopped all and mixed it up. Don't forget to add raw fresh green onion, cilantro and parsely for a cold crisp mix. Slow baked onions and garlic keeps well in the fridge for later!
(s-e)
Rice cooker worked for lunch - 5 minutes to prep and chop, 30 minutes to cook rice, added veg on the attached steamer for 10, topped it with fresh cilantro and green onion. I desire sauce in a huuuuge way, was bloody starving by the time I got to eat it.
(m-e)
Very nice. I miss juicy and crisp textures. I have to eat more raw stuff, everything feels dry. I made a ton of food to eat over the next few days at work and to have ready for my end of day return. I made a rice casserole and will have squash and roasted garlic, mushrooms, onions and beets. The crock pot is full of roots. I need juicy peppers to eat with it.
(s-e)
Yes the peppers are watery and crunchy. I've been hit hard this afternoon...that's scary for this just beginning! I feel heavy and emotional all over - not surprised but going through it - ugh. Had some family things cause a shot of stress that resonates right through my lead feeling veins...glad we have each other to keep us ok!
(m-e)
Keep going sista. Remember friends are the family you choose :) I'm sure this is not just about food! I feel a bit better today because almost every hour I've had something - tea, fruit, a meal. I'm at band practice tonight and have no energy but getting out will be good. Get out for a nice walk by the water before the rain comes!
(s-e)
Being submerged in my work is a huge deterrent from immediate reaction to food changes..any chance you can see work as allowing you to focus away from the effects? Time will also fly by....Just walked and cleared the lungs, saw a bunch of happy dogs, have a great practise, singing will energise you...
(m-e)
Checking in - how are you doing? I'm feeling pretty good although I'm freezing..it was great to go to band practise, to do something fun.
(s-e)
I'm hungry as usual...roasting pears...so great that you went to practise, I am here for you if you need support in the coming days...
(m-e)
mmmmm, how was it? I had rice casserole, sweet potatoes and squash for dinner. I have to say...it was fantastic and comforting! Will eat more raw tomorrow. I feel the idea of 'snack' is to eat just one kind of food for easy digestion...eat more of those pears. 18 more days to go...that's nothing!
Day 4
Martha experiences personal challenges that hit her hard. As the effects kick in, relationships both personal and professional prove to be challenging for her. She reaches out though and is very honest about how difficult it is for her and gets the help she needs to stay strong and not bail on the disciplined routine. This is where support proved to be vital. When the emotion arises, the mind begins to take over in a way that one can easily create excuses and old habit patterns kick in strongly. By reaching out, she was able to stick with it.
(m-e)
Going to work today was really hard and I was only there 6 hours! I want to do this but man I am having some doubts about being able to stick to the schedule with my work life. I know it is an opportunity to see if I can do it and to take care of myself but I don't know right at this moment if I can. What I am holding out for is energy. I will feel that sooner or later I hope. One day at a time. It will get easier right? Its only food, right? It is only three weeks right? It is messing with my head. OK all out now, I'm going to eat...something.
(m-t)
Freaking out...so hard to deal with people today...
(s-t)
Shall we talk?
We have a long phone conversation. Martha's determination proves to be very strong as she feels a deep sense of withdrawal physically and her mind is anxious and stressed. I advise her to contact Marie to address how best to handle the overwhelming-ness of it all and to secure that she doesn't bail towards what she thinks she needs. She emails Marie...
(m-e)
Hey Marie, Sam just talked me off the ledge. I had my first day back at work and it was way harder than I thought it would be. I had a hard time dealing with people today. I am a hairdresser so this could prove to be a problem (ya think ?!). When I got home I had an intense emotional outburst. I know its ridiculous that I would need fat and salt to deal with people but I think I do. Any suggestions?
(m-e)
I just got off the phone with her, she was great and said it is my 'friends' (*sam note: clarity on this later) that don't want me to do this and I have to take control!! She asked me a ton of questions about my feeling and is making a remedy for me that would be available for pick up tomorrow (you pick up for me yes? :) She said exhaustion is good, it means its coming out, we are detoxing...(well I sure hope so) and she gave practical advice - research vegetables that are high in sodium, skip evening and morning protocol and knock back an ounce of olive oil with juice of half a lemon to cleanse the liver.
(s-e)
Fantastic, so great! Here's a picture of the wonderful saucy action for the quinoa or whatever...Mitch roasted everything first then blended it into a fake curry paste! Seriously excited about this...will text when I have your concoction to bring to your work.
Day 5
(m-e)
Thanks Sam and Marie for helping in such a meaningful timely way last night. I really had a hard time. I feel much better now. I knocked back the olive oil (and it tasted great!) and didn't feel nauseous. Yay! Today I'm going to try to squeeze more high sodium veggies into my fridge and my body and go easier on myself.
(m-e)
Here's an email I wrote to my friend Ros, I want to share it to add to our email diary.
Today was really hard. When I got home I lost it. I was so hungry so I just sat down and tried to swallow the cold quinoa, lentil, sweet potato mush I brought for lunch and gagged. I had a good cry and told Scott I couldn't do this anymore. I called Sam and she talked me down, then I called Marie and she gave me some suggestions and a good talk. What was the cause of my meltdown? Do I need pizza and ice cream to be able to deal with people? (...yes!). Am I using food as anti depressants? Am I self medicating with fat, salt, sugar, caffeine and alcohol? It all makes me feel worse in the long run. I want to treat myself better. I want to treat myself as I would my cats or my child, I want to only give myself foods that are good for me. I think my body was craving fat and salt and I got it with the olive oil and lemon...man this is like methadone!
The joy of parenting the 14 year old for me arises the following day that cause adrenaline to fly in the body, my mind starts spinning...all from only clean, simple food being in my body for five simple days in a row....and that makes me want to go straight to eating something!! (and not a raw carrot). I have the luxury of working from home for the next while and appreciate Martha's having to be in close proximity of people when feeling so challenged from the detox. I tell her this and she shoots back that she doesn't have to parent a teenager let alone cook a separate meal for one every day! Small but important appreciations.
What's on the menu today?
(s-e)
Hmmmmm, lunch....making in the rice cooker...
(m-e)
I'm going to try that too. Last nights quinoa and lentils were pretty and had different textures
but it all turned into a very bland 'mashed potatoes'..I'm trying roasted root vegetables in the slow cooker. Did you heat everything separately first for that swiss chard wrap?
(s-e)
Oh yes, broiled the veg, steamed all else in batches with a bamboo steamer then chopped all and mixed it up. Don't forget to add raw fresh green onion, cilantro and parsely for a cold crisp mix. Slow baked onions and garlic keeps well in the fridge for later!
(s-e)
Rice cooker worked for lunch - 5 minutes to prep and chop, 30 minutes to cook rice, added veg on the attached steamer for 10, topped it with fresh cilantro and green onion. I desire sauce in a huuuuge way, was bloody starving by the time I got to eat it.
(m-e)
Very nice. I miss juicy and crisp textures. I have to eat more raw stuff, everything feels dry. I made a ton of food to eat over the next few days at work and to have ready for my end of day return. I made a rice casserole and will have squash and roasted garlic, mushrooms, onions and beets. The crock pot is full of roots. I need juicy peppers to eat with it.
(s-e)
Yes the peppers are watery and crunchy. I've been hit hard this afternoon...that's scary for this just beginning! I feel heavy and emotional all over - not surprised but going through it - ugh. Had some family things cause a shot of stress that resonates right through my lead feeling veins...glad we have each other to keep us ok!
(m-e)
Keep going sista. Remember friends are the family you choose :) I'm sure this is not just about food! I feel a bit better today because almost every hour I've had something - tea, fruit, a meal. I'm at band practice tonight and have no energy but getting out will be good. Get out for a nice walk by the water before the rain comes!
(s-e)
Being submerged in my work is a huge deterrent from immediate reaction to food changes..any chance you can see work as allowing you to focus away from the effects? Time will also fly by....Just walked and cleared the lungs, saw a bunch of happy dogs, have a great practise, singing will energise you...
(m-e)
Checking in - how are you doing? I'm feeling pretty good although I'm freezing..it was great to go to band practise, to do something fun.
(s-e)
I'm hungry as usual...roasting pears...so great that you went to practise, I am here for you if you need support in the coming days...
(m-e)
mmmmm, how was it? I had rice casserole, sweet potatoes and squash for dinner. I have to say...it was fantastic and comforting! Will eat more raw tomorrow. I feel the idea of 'snack' is to eat just one kind of food for easy digestion...eat more of those pears. 18 more days to go...that's nothing!
Day 4
Martha experiences personal challenges that hit her hard. As the effects kick in, relationships both personal and professional prove to be challenging for her. She reaches out though and is very honest about how difficult it is for her and gets the help she needs to stay strong and not bail on the disciplined routine. This is where support proved to be vital. When the emotion arises, the mind begins to take over in a way that one can easily create excuses and old habit patterns kick in strongly. By reaching out, she was able to stick with it.
(m-e)
Going to work today was really hard and I was only there 6 hours! I want to do this but man I am having some doubts about being able to stick to the schedule with my work life. I know it is an opportunity to see if I can do it and to take care of myself but I don't know right at this moment if I can. What I am holding out for is energy. I will feel that sooner or later I hope. One day at a time. It will get easier right? Its only food, right? It is only three weeks right? It is messing with my head. OK all out now, I'm going to eat...something.
(m-t)
Freaking out...so hard to deal with people today...
(s-t)
Shall we talk?
We have a long phone conversation. Martha's determination proves to be very strong as she feels a deep sense of withdrawal physically and her mind is anxious and stressed. I advise her to contact Marie to address how best to handle the overwhelming-ness of it all and to secure that she doesn't bail towards what she thinks she needs. She emails Marie...
(m-e)
Hey Marie, Sam just talked me off the ledge. I had my first day back at work and it was way harder than I thought it would be. I had a hard time dealing with people today. I am a hairdresser so this could prove to be a problem (ya think ?!). When I got home I had an intense emotional outburst. I know its ridiculous that I would need fat and salt to deal with people but I think I do. Any suggestions?
(m-e)
I just got off the phone with her, she was great and said it is my 'friends' (*sam note: clarity on this later) that don't want me to do this and I have to take control!! She asked me a ton of questions about my feeling and is making a remedy for me that would be available for pick up tomorrow (you pick up for me yes? :) She said exhaustion is good, it means its coming out, we are detoxing...(well I sure hope so) and she gave practical advice - research vegetables that are high in sodium, skip evening and morning protocol and knock back an ounce of olive oil with juice of half a lemon to cleanse the liver.
(s-e)
Fantastic, so great! Here's a picture of the wonderful saucy action for the quinoa or whatever...Mitch roasted everything first then blended it into a fake curry paste! Seriously excited about this...will text when I have your concoction to bring to your work.
Day 5
(m-e)
Thanks Sam and Marie for helping in such a meaningful timely way last night. I really had a hard time. I feel much better now. I knocked back the olive oil (and it tasted great!) and didn't feel nauseous. Yay! Today I'm going to try to squeeze more high sodium veggies into my fridge and my body and go easier on myself.
(m-e)
Here's an email I wrote to my friend Ros, I want to share it to add to our email diary.
Today was really hard. When I got home I lost it. I was so hungry so I just sat down and tried to swallow the cold quinoa, lentil, sweet potato mush I brought for lunch and gagged. I had a good cry and told Scott I couldn't do this anymore. I called Sam and she talked me down, then I called Marie and she gave me some suggestions and a good talk. What was the cause of my meltdown? Do I need pizza and ice cream to be able to deal with people? (...yes!). Am I using food as anti depressants? Am I self medicating with fat, salt, sugar, caffeine and alcohol? It all makes me feel worse in the long run. I want to treat myself better. I want to treat myself as I would my cats or my child, I want to only give myself foods that are good for me. I think my body was craving fat and salt and I got it with the olive oil and lemon...man this is like methadone!
The joy of parenting the 14 year old for me arises the following day that cause adrenaline to fly in the body, my mind starts spinning...all from only clean, simple food being in my body for five simple days in a row....and that makes me want to go straight to eating something!! (and not a raw carrot). I have the luxury of working from home for the next while and appreciate Martha's having to be in close proximity of people when feeling so challenged from the detox. I tell her this and she shoots back that she doesn't have to parent a teenager let alone cook a separate meal for one every day! Small but important appreciations.
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